I don't want to struggle for attention, I just want to be noticed.
Friday, October 21
I have a lot of people who doubted in me when I was in high school. even the teachers they didn't trust me in certain things (whether or not I realized I was capable and reliable at that time). stupid me that I didn't fight for my right when it was denied. I just nodded in disagree but I didn't fight cause I was naive (and I was not in power to charge anything). it's such a disgrace to myself. the fact that it haunts me until now really messes me up. but every time the memories knocked the door to my present, I denied their access. they shouldn't be here, I said. I shut them down, with every bit of my weakening strength; every fiber of my shattered self.
so this is going to be a quick post. just now it has been announced that the housemanship post will be changed into "contract of service" (not contract FOR service). I'm not really sure of this but my big brother asked me to calm myself down. Haha. so I did. it's not going to be THAT bad, he said. surely you all will get posted as MO later on after finishing the HO ship. *crossed fingers*
also that, I did google (back then) other careers I can pursue just in case I don't want to be a clinician. provided that I have a legit registration as a "doctor". I don't know man. at some point during googling, I would think thing like "what the heck mahn. medical school itself is so hard, what the hell am I thinking of quitting being a doctor? better I quit earlier before even started this shit" and something like that.
who says medical course is special? it's now underprivileged and underappreciated by many. maybe because a lot of ppl think that "graduate jadi doktor ni macam celah gigi ja" (dude, I don't even know what it means).
but the truth is, someone has been sacrificing the shit out of their lives just because they wanna save an innocent life. just one, oh, just one innocent life; and that is enough - probably the only thing they want
because nobody can buy a ticket to get one's soul back to his body, right?
Wednesday, August 3
you don't share your struggles to everyone. all these people only wanna know what are the results from your struggles, and that is that. they want to know either you graduated from school or drop out somewhere in the middle, they wanna know if you have job and make some money (and if you do, they wanna know how many cash you make per month), they wanna know when it's you will get married (and if you're married, they ask you bout when to get kids, when to make another kids, and whatnot) and a lot of other stuff. you don't need me to mention all of them, you know how it goes.
human beings are creatures of habit. so deal with it, the piece of shit people are gonna serve to you.